Why Do Girls Hate Each Other?

"She's such a slut."

"What a bitch."

"I can't believe she's wearing a short skirt and a crop top. She looks so trashy."

"Why is he going out with her? Whatever. Boys only like sluts anyway."

"I'm so glad I'm a virgin and not a whore like those other girls."

"He cheated on me with her so I'm going to ruin her life."


It is a fact that is universally acknowledged that girls really don't like each other. They may form alliances based on a common goal (partying, befriending a group of boys, taking attractive Instagram group pictures) or develop a mild affinity for each other based on a shared loathing of another woman, but generally, women are incapable of forming genuine, lasting friendships.

Or at least that's what the social stereotype says about us.

The idea that women either can't or won't form friendships that are equal or superior in duration or depth of feeling to those formed between men is one that is deeply rooted in Western culture and literature. There is a scene in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night in which Orsino claims that women cannot feel love as deeply as men, and Mary Wollstonecraft explains in her Vindication of the Rights of Woman that women are barred from creating lasting friendships because they are constantly pitted against each other as romantic, physical, and social rivals.

Though originally written in 1792, Wollstonecraft's words still remain one of the most accurate descriptions of the issues that plague female friendships as women passive-aggressively compete with each other to have the best bodies, the best makeup, the best hair, and to be the most popular (Mean Girls, much?). On both television and in real life, it seems that women will, with little provocation, tear down the aesthetic or intellectual achievements of another woman, judge her for her individual sexual or clothing choices, and generally attempt to make each other feel bad about themselves through subtle put-downs and not-so-humble brags.

But why? What do women have to gain from sneering at a bad dye job when issues such as rape, birth control, abortion, and unequal pay are, on a larger scale, much more important unifying factors?

It's the P-word (And by that, I mean the patriarchy).

The use of words such as "slut," "bitch," "whore," "hoe," and "prude" as a way to verbally classify women into certain easily identifiable social categories is a practice originated by men in order to belittle, insult, demean, and coerce women into having sexual relations with them. On a larger scale, the use of these slurs by men against women is an easy way to reinforce and perpetuate the existing gender power dynamic. It is clear that historically and socially, men have overwhelmingly held positions of political, social, and academic (and by this I mean designated academic positions or titles, not measures of intelligence) over women, and for the average man who does not possess any of these tangible positions of power over women, using these words becomes his only leverage piece to assert some form of dominance over women.

Similarly, the "madonna/whore" dichotomy, in which women can only be classified as pure, morally sound virgins or amoral, sexually free harlots, is one that was created by men to control and objectify women. There is absolutely no scientific proof that an either an excess or a lack of sexual experiences has any impact on a woman's intelligence or morality, and it certainly does not have an impact on a woman's value as an individual. However, the social cultivation of the madonna and the whore archetypes developed over the centuries (which came to a frenzied fever pitch during the Victorian Age, in which women were instructed to believe that they were sexually dormant) was really a result of male power structures wanting to control female sexuality in primogeniture-based societies (meaning a system in which the first-born child-- usually the son-- inherits everything). In short, men wanted to make sure that their children were biologically theirs in order to ensure the correct line of succession, so they had to figure out a religious and cultural justification to stop women from having sex with multiple men. Now, in the twenty-first century, we no longer officially have American systems of primogeniture, but the male desire to classify women as either "good" madonnas or "bad" whores is still deeply ingrained in our society.

But what does that have to do with women and, more importantly, why they hate each other?

It's the H-word (and by that, I mean hegemony).

Hegemony, in short, is the dominance of one social group over another. However, hegemony does not merely constitute dominance or control-- it also includes the adoption of the cultural practices and beliefs of the dominant group (in this case, men) by the non-dominant group (in this case, women). There is absolutely nothing in a woman's genetic code that says she is biologically obligated to hate another woman because she's having a good hair day or because she's wearing a miniskirt and thigh-highs. However, as as result of the hegemonic structure of our society, women, as the non-dominant social group, adopt male ideas of female sexuality, purpose, and social value and, in turn, use those ideas against each other within the group. So really, you don't call other girls sluts behind their backs because women are inherently devious or disloyal. You do it because you've been socially conditioned to adopt misogynistic cultural practices against women.

Similarly, women don't constantly try to one-up each other by having larger breasts (which aren't even sexual organs anyway) or tanner skin because they are inherently petty, jealous or shallow. Men, as the dominant group, had the social ability to sexualize the female body and place it on a pedestal as something that men have every right to pursue and sexually possess at any cost. Then, as a result of hegemony, women adopt this notion that their bodies are designed solely for inspection and appreciation beneath the sexual male gaze and subsequently compete with other women to attract the attention of this otherwise arbitrary and meaningless gaze. Women are reduced to fighting each other for male sexual approval because they have been conditioned to not appreciate their own sexuality and to view their bodies as autonomous subjects that would be perfectly fine without any male sexual influence.

So the next time you're about to call another woman a slut because she "took your man" (another topic for another day) or wore a really nice push-up bra, please be kind, rewind, and f**k the patriarchy.