Let Him Go.

source: someecards.com

As women, we are inundated with images of the narrowly-defined different "types" of men from an extraordinarily young age. We are trained to sharpen our eyes with hawk-like precision to the profile of the elusive banker, lawyer, or doctor with ambition, to harbor a fanatical adoration for the affable and confident jock, and to develop a gradual, acquired taste for the archetype of the nerd (because, as we all know, it is they who shall inherit the earth). Simultaneously, we are warned to be disgusted with the momma's boy, to cultivate a subtle disdain for the perpetual man-child, and to avoid interactions with the much-storied and borderline-cartoonish "bad boy" at all costs.

The villainous figure of the bad boy is peppered throughout our favorite childhood movies, novels, and TV shows, crossing his arms defensively as he leans against a locker or stands entirely too close to you at a bar. He exists as an unusually one-dimensional, motorcycle-driving, leather-wearing, tattoo-having foil for the overly idealized and heroic "good guy," who rescues the hapless female protagonist with promises of faithful love, marriage and white picket fences (since those, of course, are the only significant goals in a woman's life). And at the conclusion of the tale, the bad boy unfailingly retreats back into the recesses of our collective consciousness, existing only as a concrete physical example of what women should not under any circumstances be attracted to.

But what if, in reality, the "bad boy" and the "good guy" are not exactly as they appear?

What if the "good guy," with his perfect smile, impeccable manners, and exceptional grades and ambition, possesses all of the stereotypically villainous characteristics of the "bad boy," but has managed to conceal them beneath a thin, pristine veneer of chivalry and education? What if the good guy, with his brilliantly constructed show of intelligence, charisma, and brittle kindness, is truly everything that a woman should avoid?

We all at some point fall into this trap, developing a complex and unrequited affinity for a man who appears to have all of the visible qualities of a good guy that we have been trained to seek out, but really harbors a set of deeply unsettling and destructive attitudes toward women that we have been convinced only exist in the bad boy. This type of individual can be easily identified by his need to subtly boast about his many accomplishments (better known as a "humble brag"), his tendency to passive-aggressively refuse to see you as his equal (since this type of individual thrives on power imbalances), and his inability to remain in a healthy, long-term relationship.

But he looks like a good guy, and he talks like a good guy, and he certainly appears to be a lot better than the other men in your circle. So you love him, forgiving his transgressions and his arrogance because deep down, you're sure hes's really a good guy. He has to be. He's supposed to be.

I can completely empathize with the undeniably tempting possibility of becoming the "Jay-Z and Beyoncé of the intellectual/medical/legal/(insert other professional field) World" (since every one of us has, at one point or another, harbored some interest in at least temporarily becoming Beyoncé). However, ultimately, that is a disservice to you and any talent or gift that you have to offer. Beyoncé was a talented musician and businesswoman long before she met Jay-Z, and I can say without a doubt that she would continue to be one if the two of them ever happened to part ways (hopefully not). Constructing your goals and your life's trajectory around another individual-- may they be male or female-- is a dangerous and difficult path to take. What if the person whom you have taken the time to elevate to god-like status in your psyche turns out to be dishonest, disloyal, or irrevocably egotistical? What, then, will happen to your goals, which are contingent upon what a single individual thinks you are capable of on any given day?

You have to let him go, and with him, all of the hopes you endowed upon a person who, quite frankly, wasn't worth your time.

Initially, you'll feel that the most tragic and disappointing part of it all is that there was always something you could have done just a little bit better to change how he felt about you (this is yet another one of life's great mysteries-- science allows us to make macaroni and cheese in the microwave in three minutes and thirty seconds, but it has not yet figured out how to prevent the persistence of dickery in our society). But then, gradually over time, you'll make the grand realization that this isn't your fault. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It wasn't because you weren't pretty enough or smart enough or enough fun at parties (and who decides that anyway?). There will simply always be people who derive joy from the pain of others, and it just so happened that you ended up investing entirely too much time in one of these unfortunate humans.

Any individual who is cruel enough to take advantage of your genuine feelings for them and use those feelings against you as a form of entertainment, a way to reinforce their own ego, or to belittle you is not the type of individual who deserves to have a prominent place (or any place for that matter) in your life. It is ultimately up to you to decide what amount of influence you will allow an individual to have over your life.

And when all else fails, listen to the infinitely wise words of Beyoncé: he was probably the best thing you never had anyway.