Black People Aren't Your Rebellious Stage
"I'm really looking for a Black girl to twerk on me. They can all twerk, right? Plus they're all really sassy and I'm into that."
"I just want to date a Black guy because I heard that they're, you know, different in bed."
"I'm just looking for my Nubian Queen/Chocolate Morsel/African Goddess/Hoodrat Ridah."
I am a large proponent of interracial relationships. In a world so often dictated by stereotypes or irrational fears that divide people and isolate them within their race/ethnic group/religion/nationality, love is one factor that knows no color and allows people to transcend these fears and view another person as a unique individual, rather than as an anonymous member of a collective. However, just as there will always be the disgusting plebeian who double dips in the salsa at a watch party, there will always be people who enter into interracial relationships for the wrong reasons and ruin it for the rest of us.
Racism, just like everything else, exists on a sliding scale that ranges from simple ignorance of a particular group to an vicious hatred that, while still based in ignorance, is intentional and disturbing in its intensity. People who date interracially for the wrong reasons fall somewhere in between these two extremes, as their intention is not necessarily to indulge in hateful beliefs, but their support for clearly untrue and socially detrimental stereotypes makes their ambitions problematic.
Someone who dates a Black person (or any person of color) with the clear intention of pissing off their parents is not only 1) shallow but also 2) contributing to widely held and untrue notions of Black/minority criminality that exist more so because of the Prison Industrial Complex than any inherent racial inclination toward crime. From the beginning, this relationship will be framed in a way that perpetuates the idea of the "scary" or "dangerous" Black man corrupting the delicate sensibilities of an "innocent" or "virginal" White woman (think of it as a more offensive version of Danny and Sandy from Grease). Never mind that the Black man in question may watch Seinfeld obsessively and wear L.L. Bean duck boots in the winter-- the nuances of his identity have been reduced to the pigmentation of his skin and the negative stereotypes that are associated with it. A relationship like this also objectifies the person of color. They are no longer one half of a healthy, consensual relationship; rather, they are now a trump card to be used in a rebellious White person's adolescent (or twentysomething) conflict with his/her parents. If you really must infuriate your parents, get a nose ring, not a Black boyfriend.
Black women, in particular, are susceptible to the dangers of someone entering into an interracial relationship with someone who has less-than-ideal motives. In the Black community, Black women are generally discouraged from dating non-Black men, instead being instructed to marry "nothing but a Black man" or to wait on their "Black Kang." However, as it is actually statistically impossible for every Black American woman to marry a Black man (especially when you factor in those who identify as gay, are incarcerated, or are already in interracial relationships/marriages), some Black women choose to exercise all of their dating options and explore interracial relationships. Already likely facing criticism from their parents, relatives, and friends for dating a "White boy," Black women who happen to enter into a relationship with someone who views them as an exotic, hypersexual fetish or a sexual conquest before marriage to another White person can be permanently damaged by this experience and retreat back into the dangerous and futile cycle of waiting for the perfect Black man to marry them.
I get that White people are interested in Black culture (it's a lot of fun, especially at family reunions). But buying a Lil Wayne album and saying "nigga" every other word while you listen to Tha Carter III in your Prius doesn't 1) make you an expert on Black culture or 2) give you the right to prey on Black women because a rapper told you that it's imperative to have a lot of "redbone bitches." Black women are not interesting sexual experiences that you tell your friends about or the final piece in your falsely constructed "hood" identity. If it makes it easier to understand, just think of Black women as actual people with unique identities, interests, talents, and body types who just happen to have a little more melanin in their skin and really curly hair.
The objectification of people of color is a very real danger in some interracial relationships, and it has the potential to discourage someone from entering into a healthy relationship with a White person who has a genuine interest in them or their culture (in a non-offensive or fetishized way, of course). However, just as there is a Disgusting Salsa Double-Dipper at ever party, there are people who bring fresh chips and salsa to save the day. If someone you are interested in makes constant references to your race/skin tone/stereotypes associated with your culture, they're probably not the one for you. If they like to emphasize the fact that your relationship is "groundbreaking," "rebellious," "controversial," they're probably not the one for you. If they ask you to twerk, "act sassy," or perpetually joke about how you absolutely must have a weed man named Tyrone, then they definitely aren't the one for you. As it with everything in life, use your judgement. If something feels wrong or you feel objectified then break it off and find someone better with whom you can swirl.
Have you ever felt objectified or fetishized in an interracial relationship? Have you ever seen it happen to someone else? Leave a comment below!
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