Flirting with Disaster: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Dating in College

Dating in college can be tricky, to say the least. You've got thousands of gloriously attractive (I'm being extremely generous here for the sake of the argument) people of both genders in their aesthetic and sexual prime skulking around a contained area with absolutely zero adult supervision. Think of it as Big Brother operating under the premise of higher education. Then you've got the well-meaning (but wildly uninformed) relatives, friends, and odd passerby who absolutely swear that "you'll meet the love of your life in college. Boy, I remember when..." and launch into a suspiciously idyllic narrative that sounds like a bizarre mash-up of The Notebook and Love and Basketball. So you show up on move-in day expecting to bump into Mr. Right, who somehow looks just like a young Denzel Washington and gets all of your Game of Thrones references. But what you actually end up seeing is Mr. Emotionally Stagnant doing a keg stand in a poorly lit room that smells vaguely of provolone cheese. What the heck happened?

Does that mean that Young Denzel (or whatever your preference is) isn't out there, and you're reduced to getting random 3AM texts from the bro-tastic Keg Man? No and no. It just means that you have to work a little harder to avoid some of the more...questionable characters that populate a college campus. Here are a few guidelines:

1) Do date mature if you are mature- Men are naturally slower to mature than women, and the added factor of college- a virtual cesspool of promiscuity that leans in favor of male students- does nothing to aid their maturation. Men are generally not interested in entering serious relationships until their midtwenties (there are notable exceptions to this rule, of course), so it may be advantageous for you to date a graduate/law/medical school student who is already on your campus (This doesn't give you free reign to date your professors. Do not be that girl.).

2) Don't compromise your beliefs- Got strong political, economic, moral, social, or intellectual beliefs that are based in fact and reason? That's fine- find a guy whose beliefs are compatible with your own. If an annoying street harasser asks you for your number, you are not contractually obligated to give him your number in order to entertain his delusions of grandeur. If you believe you can do better, then do so.

3) Do realize that the bad boy is a waste of time- It may seem tempting to ride off into the sunset on a Harley with your grizzled bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold. But in reality, you deserve better than a rotating harem of baby mamas, an extensive criminal or drug record, or a history of abuse and general poor behavior.

4) Don't date just to date- "But all my friends have boyfriends!" is not a good reason to date someone. Having a rapidly approaching self-imposed deadline (first kiss, first boyfriend, first long term relationship) is not a good reason to date someone. Dating that has inorganic origins or ulterior motives can do a lot more harm than good.

5) Don't try to force a boy to grow up into a man- Men and women do a lot of growing up while they're in college, and everyone matures at different rates. You might meet an 18-year 
old who has the next 10 years of his life planned out, and you might meet a 22-year old whose sole ambition is to play Call of Duty on his mother's couch for the foreseeable future. Everyone matures st their own rate based on their individual life experiences, and you will only be squandering your time, youth, and sanity trying to raise a boy into a man. The argument that "it's true love! He just needs time to grow up!" is self-destructive. Exit that relationship and, while he's learning how to be a man, focus on becoming the best possible version of you.

6) Do date people, not ideas- We've all done it- turning a guy who is "meh" at best (and catastrophic at worst) into a verifiable Greek god, husband, or your own personal Ryan 
Gosling. But putting a sub-par or totally wrong for you person on a pedestal will only result in eventual disillusionment for both parties involved. People are imperfect creatures, and you have to learn how to take the good with the bad. Don't write someone off because they don't fit every single qualification on your secret mental checklist, and don't start filling out an application to appear on Say Yes to the Dress just because a guy says something intelligent in class one time.